Mourning Wolf and Fallen Star
by starwarsfreak95
Summary: How Sirius and Remus felt after Lily and James died. Their thoughts and feelings until their own deaths..


Sirius sat up in his bed. There was something dreadfully wrong. He wasn't sure what it was, but it had to do with the Potters. The spells that bound Sirius to Harry as his godfather were sending strong feelings of dread and fear through his system and had woken him up. None of the feelings were concrete, but Sirius trusted his gut. That's why he was alive in the first place.

After donning the first things that came to his hands, Sirius ran outside to where his motorbike was parked against the sidewalk. He gunned it to life and flew it up in the air, not even bothering with a helmet or protective spells. Even going as quickly as he could, Sirius knew that there was no way that he'd make it in time. He pressed on grimly. He was up so high, he was having trouble breathing. Or maybe that was just the fear that young Harry felt. The miles melted away beneath him, but he wasn't fast enough.

A sudden feeling of loss seared through Sirius. It was so intense, he lost his handle on the bike. Then there was a blinding pain. Pain like nothing Sirius had never felt before, but all he could think of were his parents and the way they treated him and the pain they caused. That was nothing compared to this. Dimly, a part of him realized that this was Harry's pain. He wrenched himself out of the spell in order to regain control of the bike just as it landed in the middle of a sleeping Godric's Hollow. Sirius almost abandoned the bike, but realized dimly that he could get there faster while on it.

Sirius was so intently focused on the road in front of him that he didn't see what hovered over the Potter's house until he had gone through the gate. When he saw it, he stopped short, uncomprehending for a moment. Then all of the blood drained out of his face, as he realized the significance of the green, smoky image over the house.

He stumbled into the house, not even considering that there may be more Death Eaters inside. Luckily, there weren't. Then he stopped short once again.

Never in his wildest nightmares had this happened. Not even in his heart of hearts did he ever consider this possibility. He never even considered that his brother might be laying there on the floor of the family room, dead. James. Dead. He had no emotions for this. Tears streamed down his face as he stumbled over to where James lay and threw himself over the body. Sirius howled his best friend's name into the dead silence that was in the house, then collapsed into sobs on his brother's chest as he had the night that he had fled Grimmauld Place for the Potter's.

Suddenly, Sirius heard a noise from upstairs. He detached himself from James' body and ran into Harry's room. The first thing he saw was a shock of red hair. Lily. Her face was as determined in death as she'd been in life. His grief for her was not as profound as his grief for James, but seeing her like that still broke another piece of him. He was almost afraid to look into Harry's crib. If he saw it empty, he'd probably just join the lot of them right then and there.

But it wasn't.

Sirius looked at the green eyed baby in the crib. Harry. Mechanically, he picked up Harry and cuddled him, tears staining the little boy's onesie.

"Shh… Shhhh… Prongsling, it's gonna be okay..." Sirius sobbed to the silently crying baby, "I'm here… Don't worry..."

Gradually, Harry began to calm down. Suddenly, Sirius heard someone in the house. He grabbed his wand from his jeans pocket and held Harry close in the other arm. He heard more crashing noises as he ran downstairs.

"Hagrid?" He said incredulously.

"Sirius?" Hagrid gawked.

"I'm Harry's godfather, I knew something had happened," Sirius explained, "I was getting ready to take Harry back to my place."

"I can't let yeh do that, Sirius, I've gotta take Harry," he said regretfully, "Dumbledore's orders."

"No," Sirius said, "I'm all he's got, you know that!"

"Not exactly..." Hagrid trailed off. Sirius's face became more horrified.

"No," Sirius stated, "He can't leave Harry there. I won't let him. I won't let you take him."

"Sirius, I've gotta! It's the only place that he'll be safe," Hagrid said, "I'll fight you if I have to."

Sirius knew he was fighting a losing battle. There was nothing he could do. Hagrid was completely loyal to Dumbledore, and Sirius was going to have to go through Dumbledore to get to Harry. Sirius lowered his wand.

"I'm glad yeh've decided to see sense, Sirius, I would hate teh have hurt yeh…"

"Go get my bike ready. Take it with you. Let me say bye to Harry please?" the sorrow in his voice convinced Hagrid to go.

"Oh, Prongsling..." Sirius said, "I'm so sorry. I will get you back, I promise. You won't have to stay there forever. I'll return for you, even if I have to kidnap you. I promise," Sirius gently kissed the raw lightning shaped scar on Harry's forehead, "I love you, Harry, Don't forget your Uncle Padfoot. Never forget how much I love you." Sirius hugged baby Harry to him, tears falling from his face.

After Hagrid took Harry, Sirius turned his mind to Wormtail. The Marauders had ways of tracking each other, he knew he could find the rat. His sorrowful face turned to delighted fury as he contemplated what he was going to do to that traitor…

Remus jumped as he heard the window rattle. Looking up, he realized that it was an owl. What was an owl doing here? He was in hiding. No one was contacting him. After carefully looking outside, Remus brought the owl in, took the letter, and let it fly away again. His heart filled with foreboding as he recognized the handwriting as Dumbledore's.

After staring at the letter for what felt like hours, Remus finally opened it. As his reader's eyes ran quickly over the parchment, his face paled. He read it again, then a third time. His legs couldn't hold him up anymore and he slowly slid down the cabinets to his kitchen floor. The tears that he'd been holding back overflowed from his eyes. Remus tucked his knees into his chest and lay his head on them, sobbing like he hadn't since he was a child.

Everything had been torn from him in one single moment. Lily, James, Peter- dead. Sirius, accused and imprisoned. He couldn't believe it of Sirius. James was practically his brother! How could he have betrayed them. And Peter… Poor Peter. He had never had a chance against Sirius. Peter had always been somewhat less talented than the others, especially confident, intelligent Sirius. Remus briefly wondered what magic had hidden Sirius' dark mark from them.. But a part of him wasn't surprised. Blood always wins out in the end. He knew that better than anyone. Remus sobbed anew at the mental image of Lily, one of his best friends, laying broken on the floor of the Potter home. Her vibrant green eyes devoid of all life.

There was absolutely nothing left to live for. Nothing. Remus felt above his head on the counter to the knife block, grasping the handle of one. Then a little voice in the back of his head that sounded like Sirius said "What about Harry?"

Remus lowered the knife in shame. There was something to live for. Harry. Dumbledore had mentioned that Harry was living with his aunt and uncle. He knew that eventually, he'd meet the boy. Maybe he could convince Dumbledore to allow him to teach at Hogwarts, despite his condition. Then he could take care of Harry while he was at school.

Remus knew that as long as Harry was alive, he had to do everything in his power to stay alive too. That baby was all that was keeping him alive now….

Sirius was in constant despair. The dementors destroyed every bit of happiness that he had. He couldn't believe that things had turned out this way. Peter… The thought of that traitor sparked a fierce anger within him. With the feeling of the anger turning aside his own personal despair, he realized that not all of his despair was his own. The anger within him grew. Harry. Harry was feeling this way. He remembered his promise to rescue his godson and get him back. Then he began planning a way out….

Remus's world was turned upside down again. Not only was Sirius free, but he was innocent. Peter was alive. That traitor had killed Lily and James, then caused Sirius to be put in prison. It was his fault Remus had spent the last twelve years of his life completely alone. A rage the equal of that on Sirius's face was howling within Remus's heart. There's only one thing that could have stopped him from killing Peter. Harry. When Harry told them to spare Peter, Remus almost turned around and snarled at him to shut up. But he heard Harry's reasons and shut up. Harry needed away from the Dursleys. Peter could prove Sirius innocent and make sure that Harry could get away from them.

When Remus woke up the next morning after realizing that he'd spent the night as a wolf, he knew exactly what happened and that it was entirely his fault….

In the split second after Bellatrix's spell had hit him, Sirius realized that he'd never kept his promise to Harry. Looking into his godson's brokenhearted eyes, a single tear fell down his cheek. Though he couldn't move his mouth, Sirius thought his last words at Harry-_ I love you_…

Remus held Harry to his chest, though his heart was screaming at him to let the boy go so that they could both run after Sirius. Every sob and scream coming from Harry broke another piece of Remus. But he clung to the same thing he did when he got that fateful letter. Harry needed him. But that wouldn't stop Remus from feeling alone for every moment of every day of the rest of his life. He loved his wife, he loved his son, and he loved Harry, but he ached every day for James, Sirius, and Lily. And when he felt the life fading from his body, he mourned for his family, but rejoiced. Now he wouldn't be alone anymore….


End file.
